Dear Australian Idol producers,
If you are going to have theme nights, could you please have some sort of rule that the songs performed actually have to adhere to the theme? For example, on Britpop night, the contestants just sung songs from England. Not Britpop, which is an actual genre of music in its own right. See Wikipedia. Beatles are not Britpop, nor is Queen.
Also on acoustic night, the hosts and judges continually referred to things being ’stripped back’ and ‘unplugged’, yet there was a full band behind the performers still. And can you please spare us all by not allowing Carl to do any more Michael Buble appropriations on theme night. When Bobby Flynn did his thing, it was actually creative. With Carl, that is not so.
K, thanks.
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Australian Idol this year has been really…. meh. So dull. Last year I wrote snarky blog posts about i-dull, but this year it is so uninspiring I haven’t even mustered up the strength to bother doing that.
I love my trash TV, but I am finding it hard to continue to tune in on a Sunday night. So my friend Heather came up with a brilliant solution.
Alcohol makes ugly people more attractive. It makes scared people more brave. It makes idiots act like bigger idiots. Why could it not turn crap TV into good old fashioned family fun!!!
So Heather (with a teeny bit of assistance from our circle of friends) came up with the ingenious Australian Idol Drinking Game. And made a Facebook group (which is the way to get fads started these days).
Click here to hook up with it on stalkerbook.
Getting really intoxicated really makes Idol a lot more enjoyable. We scream with delight every time that Marcia talks ghetto, and when the audience boos, we cheer and sip our wine.
The next project we are thinking about working on is a Sunrise drinking game. Once again, a crap show that a bowl of cereal does nothing to improve upon, so why not hit some G&Ts every time Kochie makes Mel squirm uncomfortably with a joke in poor taste. Or knock back a JD when weathergirl Monique asks a really obvious question. Or swirl your cognac when a female on the all stars panel makes an anti-feminist comment. You would be pissed by 8am, guaranteed!
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In a boon for manufacturers of foam weaponary and gymnastics rings, Channel 7 has announced that Gladiators will return to our screens next year.
Who could forget this classic show of the 1990s? Where ordinary people faced off against fitness powerhouses dressed in newly invented metallic lycra. I am sure that the expansion of Clark Rubber stores around the country during the same time period was intrinsically linked with people’s desire to construct their own ‘gaunlets’ in their backyard. I only hope that the new version will retain its naff qualities, and the gladiators will have equally ridiculous names.
It will be interesting to see how this show will be adapted to suit the noughties. It will probably be dissapointing. I would probably prefer just to watch reruns of the 1995-1997 versions.
But at least we will probably be able to find out more about the people behind the lycra using stalkerbook or MySpazz now.
I wonder whether the games will be the same, or if it will go all high tech. I hope not. There is something endearing about watching people pummel each other with oversized cotton buds for no good reason.
The names are what I am most interested to hear. Surely they can’t use the names they used last time around… I mean, it’s not like a soap opera where you can replace one Vulcan or Flame with another one… not like how Bec Cartwright’s portrayal of Hailey on H&A was easily filled by some new redheaded chick who didn’t look a thing like her. This wouldn’t work on Gladiators. There is only one Storm, Hammer or Taipan. They are identities ingrained in the Australian psyche. They probably still get mobbed on the streets.
So some suggestions for new names are in order. Since all the seasons, elements, rudimentary pieces of hardware needed in a garden shed and weather patterns were pretty much used up last time (click here if you can’t remember the crew), the producers will have to get really creative this time.
What about a Gladiator named after Kyle Sandilands? Special weapon, berrating people’s physical appearance until they give up fighting and cry. Or Howard. He’s been unbeaten for 11 years, despite having a poor defence for misguided attacks.
Tsunami is one natural disaster they didn’t use last time. And "Terrorist" seems to be a pretty scary label that might create a climate of fear in the studio/set/gymnasium/adventure playground. Chainsaw, hoe, spade are other items that you could buy at Bunnings to hurt someone and that have not yet named a gladiator.
And maybe one of the chicks should just be called "Feminist". That seems to scare a lot of people these days.
Oh I wonder who the host will be? Maybe they will drag Mike Whitney back from boring travel advertorials on Sydney Weekender to do the job. Or perhaps they will save him for when they bring back "Who Dares Wins". If only…
Imagine if they pick Daryl Sommers!!! Who else is in the Channel 7 stable that is out of work at the mom… wait. I have it. Naomi Robson would be ideal. She always liked to see people come to blows.
That could inspire a whole new tangent of Gladiator naming. "Tax cheat", "Dodgy plumber", "Bludger", "Battler"… the list goes on.
I can’t wait. Even though I know it will be a let down.
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