This week I am on a ‘staycation’ – a week of annual leave without leaving town. I’ve been so exhausted and miserable the last few weeks I just needed a chance to regroup. Everything was annoying me and I was getting upset a lot, so just needed to take a step back. My body thanked my on the first day of my staycation by converting a cough I had for a week into a fully blown flu, so it’s really largely been a bedcation (and I still have the damn cough!).
I’ve been sleeping a huge amount, pottering around the house (except for catching up with my very preggers colleague friend for brunch yesterday which was fun – ladies of leisure on leave, what a life!), cooking (with my new fast slow pro cooker, which is amazing), fitting a new template to this blog (the way the sidebar on the old template broke mysteriously was driving me mental – let me know what you think), exfoliating with Frank coffee coconut scrub so my bathroom smells like some tropical barista’s laundry (but my skin is so soft!), trying to find cardigans for winter (why are all plus-size cardigans those drapey waterfall cardigans? I just want normal cardigans in nice colours!), putting face masks on my face and hair masks on my hair, and just generally wasting time, but in a restful and relaxed way.
(I wish the puppies were here though to smother me with affection!)
I’ve been a bit worried that I’ve been getting sicker. It’s hard to tell this week, since the added flu hasn’t helped, but my body’s insatiable desire for sleep and rest is a little worrying. It’s so easy to slip into doing very little, and to still feel ill while (not) doing it. My body seems to think 14-16 hours of sleep a day is not unreasonable – my brain and sense of self-worth on the other hand beg to differ. I hope it isn’t too hard to get back into routine next week after this break.
While taking a step back this week, I’ve also been trying to figure out any ways I can make this situation better for myself. I’ve been drinking homemade turmeric and ginger tea and taking a lot of my weird supplements (I often just get sick of swallowing so many pills so stop taking them for ages, but I’m sure if they actually seemed to be helping I’d be more motivated on that). I bought bags of leafy green vegetables that I’ve been condensing into soups and vitamin-dense meals. I’ve been trying to make sure I do 10 minutes of the pilates-style exercises and stretches that my exercise physiologist recommended, and which I’ve not exactly been dedicated about, but even that small amount makes me more tired and more dizzy, and more achey the next day. But I’m going to try to keep it up, to see if my body can at least get used to that low level of effort. I was going to go back to the hydrotherapy pool this week to try to see if there’s any sustainable way I could have that in my life (it usually makes me crash), but I’ve just been too tired. I’m also trying to think of ways I can still ‘have a life’ while working and being sick so I don’t end up feeling as miserable — that is a conundrum that remains unsolved, but I’m trying. I think sometimes people think I’m not trying to be OK, not trying to get well — but I have so little energy. I’m actually trying really, really hard.