Survival mode

ME/CFS

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I have spent the last week and a bit in survival mode – a big fatigue crash, perhaps not unexpected given we have had a busy start to the year, but always demoralising, especially when I had felt that perhaps things had improved slightly.

It was quite a big one – I was out of the office for a week, with just a few brief appearances, and on two of the days I was crashed I was barely able to stay awake for half an hour at a time without needing to go back to sleep.

In some ways, I feel like I have been in survival mode for most of this year, using all of my energy on work and not much else. I don’t mind short stints of this, but it obviously doesn’t work for long before I hit the dust and end up in fatigue crash survival mode instead. That’s part of the big challenge of dealing with this – if I am using all my energy on one thing, there is none left for anything else. It’s hard to get any kind of balance. And then there’s all the things I should apparently be doing – gentle exercise, housework, not ordering food delivery because I am broke, trying the 5-2 diet etc. There is truly only so much I can do and it is probably about 60% at best of what I could do before.

I’m not sure if starting a new medication – metformin – made the crash worse. I’m taking it to try to manage the insulin resistance from my PCOS since I can’t exercise like crazy or barely at all, my previous way of trying to manage it (diet alone doesn’t seem to work). So far, the benefit of it has been that I feel satisfied and really full after eating and don’t crave sweet stuff all the time, which is a feeling I can’t even recall having since I was a teenager, except when going through a ‘crazy exercise’ phase (which in the past has always come undone from injury, so has always been shortlived). But, it has made me nauseous, had me waking up with terrible headaches, and so on. It’s improving slightly, and after Googling for answers i’ve found eating something substantial in the morning and taking B supplements has helped. But then there’s the other symptoms where I don’t even know if they were fatigue crash related or metformin related – terrible brain fog this week, the return of the dizzy (which thankfully has only been popping up occasionally in the past few months), and feeling a bit feverish at times, and of course, bone-crushing tiredness and a near inability to stay awake.

Anyway, seem to be coming back from it now. It’s just frustrating that it struck at a time when I was starting to feel semi-competent, and like I might have some options in my life.

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