The sad state of the idiot box


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People pay me out for watching Australian Idol. Yes, it’s crap (especially this year). Yes, it’s painful. Yes, it’s naff. Especially the group song on Monday nights.

But there is a whole other group of people out there much more deserving of scorn… those who watch Dancing with the Stars.

I think I watched an episode of this sequinned self-tanned nightmare back when it first started, and have managed to avoid it ever since. But tonight I got sucked in to the end of a storyline on Home and Away where Jack got shot… I was eating dinner… and then I was all of a sudden gagging as Daryl Sommers cha-chaed on to the floor and made really lame jokes about it being Latin American night by pronouncing the judges names as if they were Spanish.

By the time Sonia Krugar came on to the floor (five minutes in) and did a saucy duo with Sommers I was in the foetal position on the lounge room floor, shaking and rocking. Lucky they went to an ad break so I could recover, get up and turn off the TV before their cheesy antics forced me to smash my dinner plate and use the blunt ceramic edges to saw slits in my wrists in an attempt to end the suffering and pain. I was longing for one of their stilletto heels to stab through my heart.

How can anyone watch this horror? Especially considering you can get your dance highs by watching talented people on So You Think You Can Dance, rather than witnessing F-grade celebs fumble their way through a rumba that is worse than something you would see in the under 9’s amateur section in the Tangambalanga Annual Dance Off.

And why is Daryl Sommers still on television? He’s so far beyond being an anachronism that I don’t know how he continues to function. Like my uncle’s old Commodore 64 computer, he should just be sitting in a corner somewhere gathering dust.

Australian television is getting so dire that Idol is simulateously seeming better and shittier every week. For example, Channel 10 is launching a show in prime time on a Friday night where they exclusively play funny video clips from the internetz. Cos a low res YouTube video will look even better stretched out of recognition on TV. It’s called Download, and it’s hosted by the twits that run the Friday night Big Brother show. How painful.

Someone, please spend money on producing good content… or just buying some from the BBC or US? Please! I love my good docos on the ABC and SBS, but I need some good light entertainment too that doesn’t make me want to individually rip off my fingernails or something.

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