(All of this was of course watched after a full viewing of the monumental apology to Indigenous Australians, particularly the Stolen Generations, which made me so proud and happy with our new government… and more angry with Brendan Nelson than I was about voluntary student unionism… and I really hope it signals a new pathway to move forward, Indigenous and non-indigenous, together… now on to the trash)
So I’ve been home from work sick. Which sucks, because I can’t do anything good cos I am sick. So I am stuck with daytime tv for company, and it’s pretty damn scary. Here are some things I learnt today;
1. That you can use chocolate to make a savoury chicken dish. And that it’s perfectly acceptable to interview a plastic surgeon about new innovation in boob jobs, and ask really stupid questions and act so obsequiously you would think the doc had just cured cancer. Thanks David and Kim.
2. That KIDS these days get on the INTERNET and they DON’T KNOW WHO they are TALKING TO. Moms and Dads need to be WATCHING their CHILDREN ALL THE TIME to ensure they don’t get raped in their own homes by BAD GUYS just WAITING to PREY on them on the INTERNET. "So Mom, how would you feel if little Katie here was talking to a 64 year old pedophile in one of these ‘chat worlds’? You’d feel guilty, riiight? Is that enough to make you stand up to your daughter and cut back her online time?". Thanks Dr Phil. I wouldn’t have understood it without your emphasis and guilt trippin’.
3. That you really can find true love… especially if you read the latest Oprah’s book club recommendation. (and as a side lesson, that a story about two old timers in love who re-found each other in a twist of fate is enough to make me cry when I have been stuck in my own bedroom for nearly a week. How lame!).
4. That some freaks have a deep rooted desire to put both blue vein cheese and mangos in the same recipe and shopping list. That some annoying people decide to try and get their mug on TV. And that a lot of them end up on Ready Steady Cook, and it’s not really fair on those of us at home who have lost their remote control in a pile of snotty tissues.
5. That newborn babies on the Bold and the Beautiful are able to hold up their own necks, and don’t need to be held in a supportive way. And that having an age difference of about 50 years between your ex-wife and current wife is some sort of social norm.
(actually did some other stuff for a few hours, then got tired and came back)
6. That Channel 7 news has managed to cross promote the hideous new season of "It Takes Two" in every bulletin this week. And that Channel 10 and 7 seem to interview the same people all the time at press conferences and major events.
7. (I don’t even know where to start with the things I learned on Neighbours… so much wisdom… will have to break it down)
a. That if you return to a small country town where you used to live before you and your husband split, you will inevitably run into his mistress.
b. That if you tell an old busybody your business and tell them to keep it mum, they will fumble around in such a ridiculous way that the secret is exposed within a matter of minutes.
c. That every time a parent and child share a bonding moment, they look at each other doughy eyed and then smile and both look into the middle distance and tilt their heads sideways.
d. That everytime Mikey (very annoying child) asks a question this is remotely serious, Ned will try and dumb down everything using a really bad analogy. His explanation as to why Janae left involved princesses and castles and dragons and far north Queensland and had all the degree educated people in my house scratching their heads, but I’m sure it made sense to an 8 year old kid. Good work Ned.
e. That all you need to go from limping around with a stick to running unaided is to have to release a Joey you handreared from birth. You will then chase it into the bush, realise you are running the 200m without your spaz limp, and you will henceforth be cured. WTF.
8. That in Summer Bay, Irene’s instincts are always right and questioning her judgement is tantamount to signing your own death warrant. If Irene thinks someone is a bad sort, they are very likely to be a major player in the next stalker or serial killer plot. Irene knows. She just does.
Wow, what a productive and inspiring day!