I haven’t written on here for two months. It’s probably because it has been a particularly hard two months, though I guess overall it’s really been a hard year. My fatigue hasn’t gotten any better, I’ve had flare-ups of the dizziness and autonomic problems, and I tried some new medications to control the symptoms… one of which appeared to help for a while but then made things worse, the other of which came with several weeks of terrible initial side effects. I’ve stacked back on weight, and I’ve just felt like being sick has really been grinding me down. I’m always broke now, which is demoralising, and it’s also been quite bitterly cold, meaning some days I get achey and sore, and some days I just can’t get warm at all. I’m just hoping that this all turns a corner soon… maybe Spring will be the solution?
On the upside, nice things have happened among the mess. Yesterday, I saw two friends get married in a beautiful and touching ceremony, and enjoyed celebrating with them. The weekend before, I was able to attend at least part of the hen’s party for the bride. I’ve managed to enjoy snippets of sunshine when the weather gods have graced us with sunny winter days. I read an interesting book on life for the elite in North Korea (“Without you, there is no us” by Suki Kim) and listened to some good episodes of This American Life. I had a really nice (though of course bittersweet) time farewelling a colleague with my work people. I managed to cook a few good things (including cooking this awesome Ottolenghi soup from Plenty More three times…). I watched lots of Amy Schumer clips on YouTube, and the third season of Orange is the New Black on Netflix. And people are still being nice to me and patient with me. I can’t believe that they are. I feel so guilty about all of this, like I’m letting lots of people down. And so frustrated with myself that I’m not doing better or doing more. But some people are being nicer to me about this than I could ever be to myself, even after all these months.
Anyway, some random pictures to show that I do get out of bed sometimes.