I stumbled upon a hilarious hilarious website. You know those Westfields shopping centre ads where they dress people up in hideous outfits? (The blue sparkly dress one is the scariest in my opinion). Well, on the What’s What website, you can get your fashion horoscope. And it’s pretty horrific indeed.
Lets take a look at mine, Taurus.
Don’t freak if communication isn’t happening with your man – or if your single-girl moves are resulting in unanswered texts or an empty email inbox. Blame planet Mercury, which is going backwards throughout the month. Can you wait until 11th November for a final answer? Pack up your troubles in a new spring bag to compensate. Oroton have luxe leather looks, or check out Mimco’s oversized button bags. Around the 3rd, you’ll be entertaining, redecorating, moving – or planning an event which involves close family or flatmates so be prepared.
Right… so I should blame Mercury for my troubles and go handbag shopping… at a Westfield Shopping Centre of course. I’ve heard Oroton have some luxe leather looks. And oversized button bags from Mimco will kick that pesky planet Mercury back in its place. And it’s nice to know that around the third I will be doing something other sitting at home alone. I better get prepared! Thanks What’s What website! I feel that my fashion outlook for the next month has been changed for the better.
But it’s nice to know that my single girl moves, which currently involve not really speaking to any men, aren’t the reason my inbox is empty and my mobile isn’t bleeping. Bloody Mercury!
I also take comfort in the knowledge that these fashion horoscopes have been written by the highly capable Jessica Adams, who has an illustrious career with the top purveyors of predictions, including Cosmo, Women’s Weekly, Vogue and Elle Magazine. She is also apparently a bestselling novelist… I wonder if she writes fiction works? It doesn’t mention any past jobs writing advertising copy, but it seems like Jessica is pretty skilled at weaving advertorial seamlessly into the horoscopes. I didn’t notice any shameless plugs at all…